dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
