is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
