don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
