if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
