Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
