I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
