You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
As shirtless as possible
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
