Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
