I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
