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I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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