I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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