my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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