they need to just BURY HIM!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
