I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
