the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
