i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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