she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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