wat bout pragnant strippers??
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
