i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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