Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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