Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
