a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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