She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
