she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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