your thong is hanging out like whoa
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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