did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Randomize
