Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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