Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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