She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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