dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
