hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
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