Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
