that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Randomize
