We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
