I just threw up on my dentist
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
