my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
