hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
