to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
