Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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