my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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