There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
