she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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