dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
