Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
