I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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