Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
