Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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