i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
