when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
