I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
